Have you ever been so lost that you didn’t know where to turn? I have. There was a time in my life when I was living a good and prosperous life, but I woke up every day feeling lost. At the time, I had no clue why I felt this way. Today, I know why and understand the feelings and why I felt this way. Let me share some of this story and what I know now.
I grew up in a faith-based and church-going family. I was surrounded by people of faith. I was taught God’s commandments and the idea of moral right and wrong. I know that I felt loved when I made the right choices and I felt personal guilt when I did wrong. I was not a perfect kid, and maybe some people from my past might only remember the boy that I was. I can remorsefully recall times when my friends and I would drive our Sunday School teachers insane, including one time I know for certain that they were in tears. I also vividly recall not being the best seminary student, and I know I probably tested a new teacher’s decision to become a seminary instructor. Luckily, he stuck with it, and 20+ years later, that same instructor taught my son in seminary. That was really a fun circle of life moment for me.
Gratefully, my younger self's decisions were never off the rails enough to negatively affect my future. However, the man I became was like the boy inside, full of childish, selfish decisions that led me to be stubborn and full of pride. I know more clearly now, that back then I was surrounded in darkness. I had lost my way. I was continuing to live for the moment, or more importantly, living for me.
Selfishly, I was living the dream, so to speak. I was having my cake and getting to eat it too. It was my life, and I was living it. Now, keep in mind that by the world’s standards of living life, I was still branded as a churchy boy. Yet by God’s standards for me, I was well off track. So, here I am, being a good person in society, living free yet not really connected to religion or God. I was in a lost or numb state. I was happy, yet not happy. My actions and decisions didn’t bring me peace but brought on more darkness.
Today, I understand why I was lost and felt the way that I did, and now I see many people around me in this same state, and I hope they too can find their way back to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
For me, I had a patient and great partner in my wife. Who helped me pull myself together and pull me towards the light? My choice is to seek and feel the light of Christ in my life. Without light, there is darkness. I know now, stronger than ever, that the path of happiness includes action to allow God into my life, learning more about God and Jesus Christ, and including them in my life through daily prayer.
The path isn’t easy, but the feeling of being lost and lonely is brought on by our choice to turn away from the light of Christ. Just because we have the light doesn’t mean the path is without struggles (as noted in my last blog post), it just means we can see the rocks and exercise faith to overcome.
If you feel numb to God or feel lost, take action to seek the light of Christ. You might feel awkward going to or returning to church or think you might be judged; prayers may seem very one-sided or cold at first. In both cases, seek Christ more intently, and His warmth will surround you. Take it from me, both at church and with the Lord, your action to exercise faith to return to the light will become more comfortable and you will feel the warmth of everyone’s love for you and, more importantly, from your Savior, Jesus Christ.