One time in church, there was a family with several kids sitting in front of us, and their children were well trained in reverence, and just in front of them was a family with children still being trained in the skill. After our meeting was over, the parents in front turned to the parents behind, all while my wife and I were still watching and listening, and said, "What is your secret?" And without much hesitation, the parents said there would be punishment at home if they weren’t good. The questioned parents laughed and left. Terri leaned up to the answering parents and said, "Do you think they believed you?" Terri and I knew full well that the parents loved their children so much that boundaries and discipline were practiced at home.
I’ve learned that love is not letting people do whatever they want. Love has boundaries and discipline. If I truly love myself, I don’t allow myself to go on food binges of unhealthy eating, only to regret it later. To love my body, I must take care of it by feeding it nutritious foods and exercising.
A parent’s role in loving their children is to create boundaries and to teach children how to self-govern when they are older. Living by your boundaries within yourself and respecting others' boundaries is lacking in our society today. Choosing to not have rules or boundaries with children is allowing them to not learn some of the most important lessons in life. Choices have consequences. Do you make the connection between eating bad food and getting a headache or stomachache? Do you connect the dots between your body and the foods that cause it to react negatively, or do you mask your lack of discipline by popping a "magic" ache pill?
As a financial coach, I spend a lot of time helping adults handle money because they failed to learn boundaries. Money management challenges are typically a symptom of a deeper issue with personal discipline and boundaries. Parents had wealth, and children saw no limits. Or maybe the opposite is true too. People didn’t have wealth, so when money suddenly arrived, they would immediately go spend it all. Was it feast or famine with money in your house, and was money even taught?
Teaching children discipline in all aspects of their lives is critical and I think as a general practice in society we are failing. On occasion, I do find someone with great discipline but lacking in financial wisdom, and those are very successful clients. However, my greatest joy as a financial coach is to help people self-discover and talk through their boundary and disciple challenges for them to overcome and win with money. Mastering discipline with money gains you the confidence and strength to have more boundaries and discipline in all aspects of your life.
All of this is more deeply covered in the book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, which I highly recommend.
In the end, I want you to love yourself, love your parents, love your children, love your spouse, and show that love by talking about, and living with money discipline.
If you struggle with any of the financial aspects of what you read about here, I am confident that I can help. If you are a spouse, parent, or just struggling individually, contact us today. Connect with us today!